What's A Mom To Do? Your Thoughts Please!

well college mom, i can't possibly offer any kind of advice but to set him straight like everyone else said you baby him to much, and he knows if he gets in trouble he can come home get under the covers of his bed and be safe. He's going to do whatever he wants until someone sets him straight, 1. i would stop giving him money 2. I wouldn't let him drive the car, take his lisence away (my mom did that, hardest 4 months in my life.) 3. don't give him a job. 4. My mom told me if i want to act like an adult she's going to treat me that way, take all his stuff and set it outside of your door, shoot thats what i'd do. 5. but then again my mom beat us for looking at her wrong, and my dad would look at us like well.. And if your "making the block hot" make his **** hot, and whoop it, or throw all his stuff out, if, i went out the house like that and not come back within two days my parents would have already set the deal, i wanna leave and not come back.. I wont come back, they'd come find me yea, but they'd make sure i wouldnt do it again. My parents sound horrible, but they spoil my sister and I so its like pay back, cause my mom def. set my sister stuff outside when she was like 19. She came back two years later after living with one of her friends. Hope that helped pray for him to..

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It's long so get ready... I am SO glad I got this site. I don't know what I would do without it! All of you are some wonderful "kids". Thanks for everything. Ok, I prayed and did my little "momma-cry" as if that would free me to do evil. Then all of a sudden as I was about to go downstairs and mail some Jordans to Maryland :-D : "Do unto others as you would want done unto yourself" came to me. I got mad cause I was surely going to be fed-exing and UPS-ing sons things all over the United States to HBCUCONNECT "kids". 8) I reluctantly decided to go on to my Jack and Jill meeting(don't hate. I like them as much as you do.) Well at the meeting I KNOW I drank a whole bottle of wine by myself. Got mad when this lady asked me to pour her some... Anyway, prior to the meeting starting everybody was telling everybody how GREAT it was to have their kid home fo the summer from this HBCU and that one. They were going on and on about what high paying Internships their kids had "landed" and blah, blah, blah. I was quiet, trying to be cool and sip my wine when "Nosey-Nemisis" started askin' me about boo. I was short but sweet, lyin' left and right so she got suspicious cause I am usually very conversational (surprise-surprise). She said oh, I did not see you at church today. I said I was at the 8 o'clock service. Cow says to me and the whole damn room of back-stabbers, like she KNOW sumthin': "Well, I saw your son at church today." I chocked on my wine, spittin saliva all over, my eyes was watering and "College Mom" was un-glued. But, I had to try and play it off. SO I started talking through my coughing (don't you HATE when people do that?) telling her that "yeah, he told me that he was going to the 11:00am service." She said "well, that's strange...I saw him sitting in the back at the 8:00am service." My one good friend in the organization stepped in and said: "Gasp, did you all hear about Sideshow last night? AND did you hear about the party that so-in-so's daughter gave and that the police had to come?" My other associate chimed in with the details of these two events as "all" these moms are scared of Oakland's Sideshow and the fact that our kids LOVE to be their with our cars. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to think around this cow. Well, she wanted more of me so she said: "Well my son said that he saw your son at the party. You did not know that he was at the party? Didn't he mention it? My son also said your son has a cast on his arm. WHAT happend to him???" ( YO son talk to damn much" is what I wanted to say) My friend answered for me and in the best Jack and Jill tone said: "Well, we all can't know everything about our kids like you do. It is time to start the meeting." During the meeting I was trying to figure out how to leave early as now my friend and my associte had sternly mouthed to me that : "we need to talk." After the meeting I quietly told them that I had a lot going on and that we would talk next week. One confided that she knew somthing was up and that she missed church because she had to whoop HER son's you know for coming in at 4 this mornin'. Her arm was spranged and she was still mad. The other said:"girl, I had to slap the you know what out of my daughter last night. They home from college and they actin like fools! (these are all Freshmen by the way) I quietly said that I still had never hit my son. They said if you don't put a foot up his you know then he would continue to run over me. We Jack and Jill "dapped" and I went down the hill I went to my house on the other hill. Walked in and who the heck was sittin up in the Livin' room lookin like he was two years old...um, hmmm! HIM! I was cool. My husband was talkin' with him. Son looked at me like, please mom, I am sorry. :sad: I spoke and went to put my things down. Hubby came into the room where I was and said that they had been talkin' for about an hour. I listened and said ok. He is on punishment for one whole week, he gotta come home straight after work and he is not to go out on Friday or Saturday night. He also must go to drug counseling. He agreeded. It's "over" but somehow I feel played... He JUST asked me if I wanted to play BINGO with him. He knows that's my favorite game...

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We are relatively close to Oakland which is my home town. I don't want folks to think kids in Oaktown done lost their minds. All the kids and some grown folks do be in Oakland for sideshow though. The Bay Area has 6 Jack and Jill Chapters (whew!, thought I got careless). I am very happy about the counseling. He has been fighting us on this so this is a huge win. Nighty-night! :grin:

I really admire your patience with your son. Because of how I was raised, I was (and still am to a certain extent) living in fear. I'm the youngest with all older brothers, so by the time I got around to stuff, I was already @ss out of luck. If I was your son's guardian/mother, I would've changed the locks A LONG TIME AGO... shoot.. my parents did it to us. I'm expounding on some methods my parents and aunts/uncles used to set us straight.... Make him ultimately responsible... Even charging him a dollar a day helps. But please.. please don't compare him to other kids... it does damage to his self-esteem, and will give him something to reinforce his actions with.... it'll get you nowhere... Infact.. in reference to something you said in another thread... Get some older men (preferably in the BGLO of which your son is interested) and use them as positive male influences. Sometimes you have to go outside the immediate family to truly make a difference. I know thats what my aunt did w/ her son, and although he is not a member of that org, he saw the importance of how he conducted himself and the ramifications attached to said actions. Good luck with the counseling... if you aren't making too much headway, make a tape of him while he is "blazed" and then show it to him, and show him what he is like.. Don't involve too many of his friends in this pseudo intervention... just continue to love him... He'll thank you for it.. and although there might be a battle right now, he'll come back around, cause you're his momma..

I would have skipped that J&J meeting. That would have been the last place to go when you're in turmoil and they are bragging about "Ashley's latest award". I will not be an Associate when the youngest one is done. Until you get your first appointment: Take the cell phone, do not give him money, take the car keys, don't let his friends honk for him to come out, make them come in, don't let him run in and go to bed withuout talking to you..check for the signs. These are some things the counselor will tell you. It's nerve racking to deal with the lack of trust issues, always suspecting, checking and all that.

This sounds like a familiar movie... Hmmmm...