8 Rules of Interracial Relationships
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Posted By: Dewan Gibson on May 19, 2009 1) Realize that many of your friends and family may be tolerant of interracial dating…from a distance. I once dated an Arab woman whose Aunt had black friends, loved black music and even looked black at first glance. But when she heard her niece was in love with a black man (me) it was a different story. She actually broke down in tears at the thought of my long caramel-colored arms wrapped around her niece. My only advice: Point out the contradiction and let the offended party get over his or her issue. If you are an adult there is no need to justify your choice of a partner. 2) Do not be overly sensitive to “racist” statements. Most often simple slips of the tongue (and brain) are not said with malicious intent. For example, while at a graduation celebration with a white woman and her family the mother asked me to dance. After I hesitated she had the nerve to say, “Come on! I know you people like to dance.” My initial thought was to speed dial Jesse Jackson, organize a protest with Al Sharpton and release my inner Nat Turner. Then I thought “Big deal, a lot of black people like to dance. So do many others. But you have to admit…we can get down.” Anyway, I gave her the benefit of doubt and assumed she did not think that dancing was the ONLY thing black people can do well. Still the “you people” statement was a bit bothersome. So I reached a happy medium. I chose not to dance, but also decided to not think of the mother as a racist. Everyone says stupid things. When you are in an interracial relationship you will hear more than you might expect (even from your partner). Pick and choose your battles wisely. 3) Be upfront about your partner’s race when describing him or her to others. If you are uncomfortable discussing your partner’s race, how do you think others will feel? For example, there is no reason to identify (sugarcoat) your white American boyfriend as being German, Italian or Polish to your black friends. It is okay to say he or she is white! The same if you’re dating a black person who claims to be part Native American. Don’t be fooled by a perm kit and VIP card to the tribal casino. He or she is black, you should both be proud. Get over it! 4) Unless he or she costs over 100k and can reach 60 miles per hour in three seconds, do not describe your partner as “exotic.” People who say such things are the same people who label their friends as “my Mexican friend Junior” or “my black friend LaShaunta.” If you are one of these people who believe everything revolves around race, an interracial relationship is probably not for you. 5) Regardless what he says about “his family having a tough time accepting you” absolutely refuse to be a secret to your partner’s family or friends. People tend to tell family and friends about great things that come into their lives (i.e. a new job). If you have been with your partner for anything close to a year and have yet to meet his family, chances are you are not that great to him. My advice is to break up with him. Before you do consider showing up unannounced at his next family event, just for kicks. 6) Realize you are not less “down” with your own race for dating someone of a different culture. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen young black men grow dreads and rock a dashiki after entering a relationship outside their race. Just relax! Have the wisdom to understand that those less open do not determine your level of blackness, whiteness, Latino-ness, Iraqi-ness, etc. 7) Do not dismiss your partner’s culture with that “everyone is the same” lingo. Yes, people are alike in many ways, but there are also profound cultural differences…and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging this. For example, if your partner is Muslim are you going to make him or her buttered pork shoulder for dinner? Be respectful toward and enjoy cultural differences. 8) Whatever happens, do not go on “The Maury Povich Show.” This show decimated the image of African-American relationships and is currently working on doing the same to interracial relationships. If you are unsure which sperm donor is the father of your child go through the courts or at least get a home DNA test kit. If you absolutely must go on the show please avoid crying to Jesus to help you find the father of your child, or for that matter celebrating like you won the lottery after finding out you are not the father. Dewan W. Gibson is an adjunct faculty member at San Diego State University and author of "The Imperfect Enjoyment." He can be reached on his website at www.imperfectenjoyment.com. If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Dewan Gibson
From San Diego, CA Ohio Univ class of 2001 Member Since August 2008 |
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