Single-Mother wants to know: How do I teach my son to be self-dependent?
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Posted By: Shauntae Jordan on September 06, 2011 I am a single mother raising a boy and I am having some issues with him being attached to my hip. He is ten years old and I want him to start to establish some self-dependency, what are some ways I can incorporate that into our lives? I applaud you on your role as a single-mother raising a boy. Our sons can steal our hearts away simply with a smile. Your goal as a mother should be to teach your son to be self-reliant. A self-reliant person is self-sufficient, able to think and function independently, a risk-taker, problem-solver and trust his/her judgment. The best way to teach your son to become self-reliant is to let him go. Think of the example of the removal of training wheels. If a parent removes a child’s training wheels too soon they may develop feelings of insecurity, rather than independence. On the other hand, if you take them off too late your child may become very dependent on the wheels. This is the same thing happens to your children when you hold on to them to long. Your son needs to learn how to be responsible and independent. This will allow him the ability to make his own decisions. Check out a list of dos and remember to start small! Dos List: 1. Allow your son to explore his likes and dislikes. Encourage him to play sports or participate in activities that bring him to explore his own ideas 2. Give your son weekly chores: washing dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning the table, cleaning the his room 3. Teach your son time management. Create a weekly calendar: Have your son list out his schedule. School, activities, homework, extra-curricular activities and entertainment. For the entire week allow him to manage his time. ***You should not interfere, begin to create a journal for yourself and write down your thoughts of his growth 4. Give your son responsibilities and hold him accountable. Make sure you share with him consequences of not fulfilling their responsibilities 5. Encourage your son to set his own goals. Make certain the goals are specific, measurable, attainable, and realistic and have a target date. Allow him to create goals and encourage him not to take the easy way out 6. Leave your son alone for short periods of time during entertainment activities. 7. Encourage your son to write his feelings in a journal Don’t List: 1. Don't praise your son solely on his success but also his efforts 2. Don’t set standards that are ridiculously high and stressful for your son. 3. Don’t spoon-feed your son, allow him to think on his won 4. Don’t rush your son’s progress. Every time they reach a problem it affords them the opportunity to learn how to handle stress 5. Don’t call them names simply give them praise Begin to implement some of the dos and don't s into your daily routine. You will begin to see your son become a self-reliant person who over time will gain control of his life. Your son will become better rounded and gain self-confidence that will attribute to his success. Best wishes, Coach J Shauntae M. Jordan (Coach J) is available for speaking engagements and consultations and can be reached by contacting her by phone at 803-322-0087 or by e-mail at smjspeaks@gmail.com. To learn more about Shauntae Jordan, you may also visit her on the web at www.smjspeaks.com If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Shauntae Jordan
CEO, LIFE COACH, SPEAKER, AUTHOR, SMJ SPEAKS, LLC Winston-Salem State University class of 2002 Member Since May 2011 |
Comments
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Coach J, this is all great advice, and as a single mother whose son now lives with his father, I can attest to some of this, and have reservations about the rest. Everything you mentioned is what every mother, single or otherwise should incorporate into their child's daily routine. I'm not sure how feasible it is to have a 10 year sit down and write SMART goals, but hey if it works - go for it. I will add this, and I experience this constantly with my 11 year old son; we have got to be willing to let our sons fall. My ex-husband does something that I have found very challenging to do because, of course as a mother, my first inkling is to nurture. While a man's first inkling is to survive. We have got to be willing to let our sons reap the experiences of their actions and/or in-actions. Boys are different - plain and simple. Like men, they will do whatever we, as women and mothers, allow them to do. I used to get on my son about keeping his room clean. But, because I'm always working and I entrust him to be responsible, I don't always reprimand him, or rather hold him accountable for keeping his room clean. But his father, the complete opposite - a neat freak nazi. There is nothing out of place in my son's room at his dad's house. My ex-husband is a neat freak and he does not let my son get away with anything, which is why our current living arrangement works out so well. Our little boys will one day be big boys, and we don't want them growing up depending on a woman to do everything for them; I think that's what's wrong with so many men today. They are looking for a woman to do it all, while we're looking for them to take care of us. We need to raise our son's to be providers, and as providers they have to understand and experience what it means to go out and make it happen. We have to watch them fail, fall, and flub their own lives, while letting them know we are always there when they need us. As hard as it is to watch your kids fall on their behinds, it is truly the only way they'll every really learn how to be successful adults. Great post! Tuesday, December 20th 2011 at 1:46PM |
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